Life is unique

Again I talked to my brother about all that is going on in his life. so i shared my doubts about being a pilot and it seems he and I are both at similar points in life. we have both jumped head first into something that we thought we loved and got rave reviews from all friends and family. yet when it comes down to the meat and bones of the truth of it all its not all its cracked up to be. I don’t know why sometimes it seems as though God changes his mind on things for us. I know its probably because he needed us there for some reason not known to us but it sure is hard.

I have decided to fast for a week. i dont feel that there is anything better to get me focused on Christ than fasting. something that will force me to put my focus onto him. starting tomorrow I will begin. i’ve never done anything like this before. I am excited and nervous at the same time. i think it would be very nice if i could get away for a while to not be around other people or have responsibilites. when i move home i would love to take a week long camping trip or something of that sort to get me focused back onto God. though if i cant do that then i shouldn’t focus on that being the only thing that will bring me closer to Christ.

I am very proud of myself so far for writing in this blog. i’ve never done anything like this at all. never had a real journal, never written my thoughts like this. i’ve tried doing this to write songs in the past. but never just to write to write and get it off my chest. some place to write without having any reservations. kinda like talking to a dog… no judgments, no comments, nothing.

I really think that i want to do something with my hands. i want to build things. i want to design things. i want to play guitar. i want to lead worship. i want to make money. i want to give gifts. i want to give stuff to people. i want to buy a brand new car and give it to someone. i want to buy a house and give it to someone. i want to buy a guitar and give it to someone. i want to have the gift of giving gifts.

I feel like i’m a thousand miles away from my computer right now. every so often i get this feeling. its like i’m able to zoom into my screen on my laptop or like i’ve been shrunk and i’m looking at my screen and it looks huge. i dont know. i’m weird.

i dont want to be a failure. i want to be successful in my life. i want to help people. i want to bring people to Christ. i want to write music that all people will enjoy and will have a message unlike that of any other song ever written. a music style all of its own. lyrics that will bring people together. a melody that is also unlike any other.

I want to build a car that will be affordable to nearly everyone yet have the performance of the best sports cars in the world. it will be easy to drive, safe and fun. it will be an open wheeled sports car. one with almost no body parts. just chassis and a few pars of fiberglass. the motor will be from a motorcycle and will be extremely reliable, extremely easy to use and extremely powerful.

I would also like to build a motorcycle that has styling unlike any-other. lines that make artist stand back in awe.

I want to build a christian ran company. i want all to know that this is one business that is owned and operated by strong righteous Christians. all who deal with the company will be able to clearly know that there is a difference. there really is something to this business.

this is all i have to write for now. its 1:27 now and i think its time for bed.